I'm horny and I'm from Hogwarts
by Muthru
Summary: Sequel to No...it's a MANpurse...Voldemort has taken Sev with him to the shrink...So what does Sev do in his spare time?


A/N: This is a sequel to No...it's a MANpurse...so read it first so you don't feel stupid reading this...

Well, you know me... I'm the sexy potion master of Hogwarts...   
Well that's what I heard the huffelpuffs say...   
I'm a spy for Voldemort... I'm doublecrossing old Dumbledore right in front of his eyes...   
Nah, just kidding...   
I'm actually working for that old goat... only God knows why...   
If I had made better decisions in the past I wouldn't be teaching those idiots at the moment...   
I would be in His arms... I would be His lover... and I would get sex more then once in five years...   
You didn't hear that last one right...? hope not... because if you did I would advice you to keep it to yourself... or else...   
That Granger girl warned me about this... but did i listen? no... I just had to keep dreaming about Him at the Order meeting... oh... I'm so lonely... I hate my life...   
And now, look where it took me...   
I'm sitting next to "my" Lord drinking tea and waiting Granger to start the session...

What do I think about muggles? she asks me...   
I turn my face to my Lord... he's hiding behind his teacup...   
The moment I opened my mouth I knew I shouldn't have done it...   
My eyes, my eyes, I'm blind!!! I yell...   
What in the name of Lucius Malfoys trimmed ass?! I scream...   
Peppersprey?!   
The moment when she left school I knew that that Weasley was going to suffer under her tumb... And how right I was...   
Well, back to the present...   
My Lord is screaming and demanding me to tell him how on earth did I know about Luciuss ass...   
I can tell he is jealous and ready to kill...   
A thank you goes to miss Granger for taking our wands at the beginning...   
I tell him a lie... I tell him that Nott was praising it a week ago...   
I tell him that he told it was the softest he had ever had the chance to grope...   
Bye, bye Nott! hehehee...   
Who ever said I wasn't evil?

Now when miss Granger has calmed him down... we are continueing... just my luck...   
He demanded me to tell where I spend my free time...   
Like I would ever tell him who is keeping my bed warm... another lie...   
Currently according to the lie I, Severus Snape, am sleeping with Minerva, my fellow teacher, a mummy, an old woman who could be my grandmother... Yak!   
Well, what wouldn't you do for your life... I mean... V-Vol-... argh...   
How does Potter do it...? I don't know...   
You-know-who would kill me if he knew what I was rubbing behind his back...   
Ooh... here we go again...   
Am I a spy for Dumbledore? Is my hair really greasy? Do I fancy Potter? Am I sleeping with Lucius?Were does he come up with all these questions...?   
I look my master with a scandalious face and ask him how he could think anything like that of me...   
He just sips his tea and says that he has proofs about all his sayings...   
Damn...   
I knew I never should have written that love letter to Him and that hinting note to Potter in my potion class...   
Well what can I say... I was horny...   
I deny everything like a good little death eater does...   
Everybody knows that there are things that only your diary is allowed to know...   
Not like I have a skyblue diary on my nightstand with Gryffindork red ribbon around it... that would be so gay... which I'm not...

Finally... time is up...   
I thought this torture was never going to end...   
The Dark Lord is still nagging about not to touch his property...   
If I wasn't such a coward I would tell him that as long as I dont see a ring in His finger hes free well-trimmed ass...   
But you know me... I'm the sexy potion master of Hogwarts... the coward one...

My master says his goodbyes... and makes an appointment for next week... and we are off to the "how to kill Potter" planning session number 10456...

"Damn he looked GOOD... Ooh, how I wish Ron had a hair like that...   
That sexy bastard... he's doing it on purpose..."   
Hermione swore before she left home to pick her family so that they could join Harry and his boyfriend, who she hadn't met yet, to go together for a family dinner...


End file.
